Day 6 - Rome - Friends, Romans, Countrymen...

Today I set out to tour Ancient Rome. That Rome of legend that gave us government, art, literature, modern civilization as we know it and Russell Crowe lookin HOTTTTT in a short skirt and some sandals.

I started out my day with the breakfast of champions (breakfast being relative, it was noon by the time I left the hotel), McDonalds French Fries and a Coke! Before you give me too much shit I have to pass this McDonalds every freakin day as I walk to the subway and one can only eat so many paninis people SO BACK OFF ME!!!

Ahem, as I was saying...I took the Metro right to the Colleseum and started my journey. First at the Capitoline Museums, the pride of the Roman Government (since the Vatican technically owns all the really cool shit across town). I was once again search but this time not allowed to bring anything in with me, so for safety sake (and to my slight irritation - just breath - they just don't want their stuff damaged, damn vandals strike again...) I unload everything of value and plunk it into my camera case which does pass muster. They did have some really cool stuff, highlighted by a bronze statute of Marcus Aurelieus, the remnants of a HUGE copper statute of Constatine and a continuously restored Temple of Jupiter located INSIDE the new wing of the museum. Ok, fine. I GUESS they can keep my bag.

From here I walked "Rocky-ain't-got-nuttin-on-me"-like steps up to a chapel that contains a baby Jesus that allegedly possesses healing powers. Damn, closed. What? A powerful Roman sick or something? It's tourist season, open up the doors already. Next to this is the Vittoriano, a MASSIVE white structure resembling something between a wedding cake, typewriter and a Greek Acropolis which apparently is the disdain of many an Italian (what, they don't like big and gaudy in the middle of their busiest intersection?).

A few steps down is the Church of Santa Maria in Cosmedin with the famous Bocca dela Verita ("The Mouth of Truth"). Legend has it that if you lie while your hand is in the mouth of this ancient manhole cover it will be bitten off. Okkkkk...Did I do it? Please, when in Rome...How did I fare? Well, since I'm doing a pretty damn good job of typing up this blog, I can safely say that my virtuous form is still intact. NO COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY!

Next I make my way down to the crowning glory of Rome - The Palatine, The Circus Maximus and Roman Forum aka "the big ass hole in the center of Rome containing a maze of really cool old buildings". The best part is that after decades of digging and archaeological discovery, it is now open to exploration by anyone willing to shell out the euro to do so. The BESTEST part, its so huge that its not crowded!! Praise Augustus!! As I set up the quiet Palatine hill, for once not surrounded by 100,000 of my closest friends, I began to understand why the wealthy Romans built their massive homes up here or why Romulus took out Remus to have it all to himself - survival of the fittest man.

When I reached the top, I found a quiet corner overlooking the Circus Maximus and a nice green patch of the city. Here I had my Zen moment of the day. Nothing too profound, just 10 minutes where the wind blew threw me, the noise faded into the background and I was just one with my inner self...then AHH CHOO! Shit, allergies. No mind. It IS kinda windy.

I took off down the hill to explore the ruins of the Senate House and...AHH CHOO! Damn, wish I had kleenex. The Roman Forum during the early days was an open space for merchants and...AHH CHOO! AHH CHOO! AHH CHOO! Shit Shit Shit!

(Ok, so I warning - the statement you are about to read is probably the most pompous and eurdite thing that will come out of my mouth, but its TRUE so I'm gonna say it anyways...)I seem to forget that every time I come to Rome, I have the worlds worst allergy attack. I don't know what it is about this place, but nothing seems to work, not nasal spray, eye drops, nothing. Harumph.

So as I trudged through the ruins, my head began to swim and people started to bug. European tourist have serious space issues - at least when it comes to respecting my space. Americans, well we are just as bad - loud, arrogant and disrespectful. Italian Men, ugh, I'm not "CRAZY" as one guy pointed out because I don't want you FOLLOWING ME UP AND DOWN THE FLOOR OF THE FORUM! Ok, now I have just entered the space which one is best left to her own devices - BITCH ON CRACK ALERT! Harumph to the 2nd power.

I check my watch and its 4:00 p.m. SHIT! Only 30 more minutes to head over to the Protestant Cemetery to see my angel. She'll make me feel better. So I scurry off down the street past the ruins and come to a screeching halt at the next Piazza that is crawling with Polizia and Carbianari (Hi Boys...sniff, sniff, snot, snot...). DAMN DAMN DAMN! They were blocking the only way I knew of to get to the Cemetery.

Well, shit. At this point there is only one thing left to do - drown my sickness and sorrows in my comfort food du jour, processed potatoes and soda (aka Pringles and Coke). After eating the entire cannister (I swear it made me feel better) I was bound and determined to finish my tour of Ancient Rome. So I capped off the day by entered in the Colosseum. Again - pompous ass alert - things have changed a lot since I was last here. First, they charge you to get in the Colosseum. Then they have added rest rooms, a gift shop, audio guides and lots of signage. I can hear Constantine, Julius, Augustus, Nero and all rolling over in their proverbial catacombs...Rome ain't like it used to be.

Weary and grumpy, I trod on over to the Colleseum Metro station and cram myself sardine-like into a train. Apparently to the disdain of a Roman woman, who glared at me as I slotted in behind her, harumph. 15 minutes later I roll, dazed and confused, out of the Metro and up the shady lane to my hotel. The lovely bar manager who always greets me with a smile (ahh, someone nice) hands me a much needed glass of Prosecco (aka dinner) as I slither up to my room and into bed.

I turn on CNN to find out the the UN World Food Summit is taking place in Rome this week causing all of the road closures and obscene amount of police presence. Uh, hello work. I missed you so for the, ummm, past 5 days. Thanks for reminding me Ban Ki Mun. Wouldn't this have been better served in um, AFRICA?!

My lesson for today - No matter how far you run, how glorious the location - REAL LIFE and all of its frustrations is never that far away. It's up top you how you deal with it. How am I dealing with it today you ask? The Roman way of course...with Prosecco.