Mexico can be nutty. Nuttier when you take 3 stressed out professionals (2 who needed to STEP AWAY FROM THEIR BLACKBERRIES), 1 stir crazy teacher on summer break and 1 who has been on the road so long she feels like she has morphed into a travel writer - shake and serve over ice.
(TO BE CONTINUED WHEN THE HAMSTER CURRENTLY TAKING UP RESIDENCE IN MY SINUSES MOVES OUT...)
Jul 7, 2008
Jun 27, 2008
Day 24 through Day 29 - SF - Home (bitter)Sweet Home
Bet you thought I was gone didn't ya? Nahhh, just "on a break" to quote the philosophers Ross Gellar and Rachel Green.
The last five days have involved (in no particular order) sleep, catching up with friends, drinks with friends, laundry, dinner with friends, sleep, shopping, hanging out with friends, sleep and an occasional walk or two, followed by (did I mention) sleep?
It's been a strange week back. While I surely left my heart in San Francisco, I found it in Sedona. I learned so much about myself and who I am REALLY am inside, that it has been a challenge to align and/or reconcile the new Zen Tara with the old San Francisco Tara. To demonstrate, here are a few examples of the daily battle that goes on in he deep dark recesses of my mind (be afraid, be very afraid):
ANNOYING DRIVERS
Zen Tara: You don't know what type of day these people have had, just slow down and get there safely. You aren't in a hurry. Send them love and light.
San Francisco Tara: You mother freakin, idiotic, what the hell is your problem, you don't go 65 in the fast lane you stupid son of a...
WAITING IN LINE BEHIND SLOW PEOPLE
Zen Tara: Use this time to close your eyes and quiet your mind, its like a mini nap.
San Francisco Tara: What is your freaking problem, this is not a bank, you do not pay your bills, get your money from the ATM and get the HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!
WORKING OUT
Zen Tara: One of the most important connections is the mind-body-spirit connection. Working out will do you worlds of good.
San Francisco Tara: So will 5 days on your couch catching up on So You Think You Can Dance and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. Laughter is exercise, right?
STATE OF MY PERSONAL LIFE
Zen Tara: You are love and light. You have the tools inside you to create the love and respect you want from life. Have patience and stay centered and grounded and it will come.
San Francisco Tara: You are one "enlightened" quote away from your friends and loved ones shipping you off to a commune you do realize that nut job?
It seems my San Francisco "energy" is being picked up by Aunt Marian a state away. She has checked in a few times with me and sent me very sweet and encouraging notes. Apparently I was write in that Spirit thinks I need all the help I can get. I'm working on it Spirit, I'm working on it...
Tomorrow (at 6:00 a.m. thanks to a very eager and well meaning friend - since when did a 3:00 a.m. wake up call become the norm for vacations these days?! Oy.) I leave for Mazatlan with my posse. This will be the UFC Cage Match Showdown of Zen Tara v. San Francisco Tara - add margaritas, shake and watch what hapens. But I think it will be a good time to decompress, read, relax and just "be" for a few days (and besdies a half clothed dance on the bar never hurt anyone, right? RIGHT? Kidding. Mostly.). Even if mother nature sends a few thunderstorms our way, no worries mon. That's what the spa is for.
After all, what could be more Zen than a masseuse named Jesus.
Next stop...AYE YAE YAE!!!
The last five days have involved (in no particular order) sleep, catching up with friends, drinks with friends, laundry, dinner with friends, sleep, shopping, hanging out with friends, sleep and an occasional walk or two, followed by (did I mention) sleep?
It's been a strange week back. While I surely left my heart in San Francisco, I found it in Sedona. I learned so much about myself and who I am REALLY am inside, that it has been a challenge to align and/or reconcile the new Zen Tara with the old San Francisco Tara. To demonstrate, here are a few examples of the daily battle that goes on in he deep dark recesses of my mind (be afraid, be very afraid):
ANNOYING DRIVERS
Zen Tara: You don't know what type of day these people have had, just slow down and get there safely. You aren't in a hurry. Send them love and light.
San Francisco Tara: You mother freakin, idiotic, what the hell is your problem, you don't go 65 in the fast lane you stupid son of a...
WAITING IN LINE BEHIND SLOW PEOPLE
Zen Tara: Use this time to close your eyes and quiet your mind, its like a mini nap.
San Francisco Tara: What is your freaking problem, this is not a bank, you do not pay your bills, get your money from the ATM and get the HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!
WORKING OUT
Zen Tara: One of the most important connections is the mind-body-spirit connection. Working out will do you worlds of good.
San Francisco Tara: So will 5 days on your couch catching up on So You Think You Can Dance and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. Laughter is exercise, right?
STATE OF MY PERSONAL LIFE
Zen Tara: You are love and light. You have the tools inside you to create the love and respect you want from life. Have patience and stay centered and grounded and it will come.
San Francisco Tara: You are one "enlightened" quote away from your friends and loved ones shipping you off to a commune you do realize that nut job?
It seems my San Francisco "energy" is being picked up by Aunt Marian a state away. She has checked in a few times with me and sent me very sweet and encouraging notes. Apparently I was write in that Spirit thinks I need all the help I can get. I'm working on it Spirit, I'm working on it...
Tomorrow (at 6:00 a.m. thanks to a very eager and well meaning friend - since when did a 3:00 a.m. wake up call become the norm for vacations these days?! Oy.) I leave for Mazatlan with my posse. This will be the UFC Cage Match Showdown of Zen Tara v. San Francisco Tara - add margaritas, shake and watch what hapens. But I think it will be a good time to decompress, read, relax and just "be" for a few days (and besdies a half clothed dance on the bar never hurt anyone, right? RIGHT? Kidding. Mostly.). Even if mother nature sends a few thunderstorms our way, no worries mon. That's what the spa is for.
After all, what could be more Zen than a masseuse named Jesus.
Next stop...AYE YAE YAE!!!
Jun 22, 2008
Day 23 - Sedona to SFO - BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!
exclaimed my mind as it was quick to jump in as I once again, woke up at an ungodly hour. This time, 4:30 a.m. As a good friend of my likes to say, Oy. So my mind didn't feel alone, my emotions (hello tears, I've missed you so...for like 12 whole hours) and physical self (in the form of a big ole knot in my stomach) were quick to join the party. It seemed only my spirit sat quietly and calmly in the background stating "you will be alright, you have everything you need - inside".
I can only compare this feeling to what someone feels coming out of rehab. You spend weeks, if not months, in a comforting and loving environment building up inner strength only to feel TOSSED OUT one day, naked, scared and alone facing a sometimes cold and dark world. Who knew I had so much in common with Lindsey and Britney (I feel you my sistas). Sigh.
I spend the morning gorging myself on my last home cooked meal (at least one I didn't have to homecook) and talked quietly and ate more slowly with Aunt Marian and Uncle Gary. This morning's blessing was particularly (and intentionally) poignant:
"This is a new day for me, full of possibility and hope." But in embracing it, I must never forget that with every moving forward is a letting go, with every future step is a past release. I now fully choose to let go of my old self and move fully into my new one. With YOUR help, I close the door of the past behind me and move again with faith and assurance."
Marion dropped me at the shuttle stop and hugged me goodbye, as if she was sending a child off to her first day of school. I swear I even heard her gasp for breath as I held in my own tears. As I sat quietly in the front seat of the shuttle ensconced in the safety of my iPod alone with my thoughts, I watched the landscape change from the majestic red rocks of Sedona, the rolling brush covered hills of the Verde Valley and the barren, cactus dotted landscape of Phoenix. The two hour ride brought me comfort and time for reflection about all I experienced this week - the emotional searching, the shocking revelations, the fear and trepidation, the tremendous growth of spirit, the astonishing natural beauty, the kindness and love of two strangers who are now family.
There were some jokes as I left that I hopefully wouldn't run off and join a cult or come back some sort of devote fundamentalist freak or come back with tattoos and a shaved head (wait a second...). While most of those didn't occur, I am changed. I still love my shoes and my car and my rockstars, but something is different.
After landing in San Francisco, I walked off the plane out to greet my ride and took a deep breath of sea air and smiled. It's good to be home. Home to a city I love, home to the people who are always there for me, and home to the most important thing of all. The thing I spent a lot 3 weeks and thousands of miles looking for - me. And with that thought my heart, mind, body and spirit all smiled.
"You will be alright, " my spirit repeated "you have everything you need - inside."
I can only compare this feeling to what someone feels coming out of rehab. You spend weeks, if not months, in a comforting and loving environment building up inner strength only to feel TOSSED OUT one day, naked, scared and alone facing a sometimes cold and dark world. Who knew I had so much in common with Lindsey and Britney (I feel you my sistas). Sigh.
I spend the morning gorging myself on my last home cooked meal (at least one I didn't have to homecook) and talked quietly and ate more slowly with Aunt Marian and Uncle Gary. This morning's blessing was particularly (and intentionally) poignant:
"This is a new day for me, full of possibility and hope." But in embracing it, I must never forget that with every moving forward is a letting go, with every future step is a past release. I now fully choose to let go of my old self and move fully into my new one. With YOUR help, I close the door of the past behind me and move again with faith and assurance."
Marion dropped me at the shuttle stop and hugged me goodbye, as if she was sending a child off to her first day of school. I swear I even heard her gasp for breath as I held in my own tears. As I sat quietly in the front seat of the shuttle ensconced in the safety of my iPod alone with my thoughts, I watched the landscape change from the majestic red rocks of Sedona, the rolling brush covered hills of the Verde Valley and the barren, cactus dotted landscape of Phoenix. The two hour ride brought me comfort and time for reflection about all I experienced this week - the emotional searching, the shocking revelations, the fear and trepidation, the tremendous growth of spirit, the astonishing natural beauty, the kindness and love of two strangers who are now family.
There were some jokes as I left that I hopefully wouldn't run off and join a cult or come back some sort of devote fundamentalist freak or come back with tattoos and a shaved head (wait a second...). While most of those didn't occur, I am changed. I still love my shoes and my car and my rockstars, but something is different.
After landing in San Francisco, I walked off the plane out to greet my ride and took a deep breath of sea air and smiled. It's good to be home. Home to a city I love, home to the people who are always there for me, and home to the most important thing of all. The thing I spent a lot 3 weeks and thousands of miles looking for - me. And with that thought my heart, mind, body and spirit all smiled.
"You will be alright, " my spirit repeated "you have everything you need - inside."
Day 22 - Sedona - I am
Today I would be learning how to manifest my hearts desires - does wanting $10 million dollars, a home in Hawaii and Brad Pitt make me seem shallow? But what if those ARE my hearts desires? Frankly, how hard could this be? Didn't the secret teach us that its about focusing your energy and if you believe enough you can get it - so where is my $10 million dollars already?!?
Apparently there is a part many people miss, actually figuring out your hearts desires. Hmm. World Peace? Too big? Umm, how about never having to do dishes or laundry again? Too small? Well, shoot. What then?
There is apparently a technique to be able to manifest your hearts desires - it is the result of deep reflection, an understanding of the way we see ourselves and how we communicate to others (and ourselves) about our desires and as there is no such thing as the past or future (only now) it must be a statement in present tense. How come this feels like the hardest test I have ever taken.
We broke my (and most people's lives) down into 6 areas: Health, Spirituality, Relationships, Finances, . Then we meditated. Today was hard. My mind kept jumping back in saying "Hey! Don't forget about me! I want a say too!" leaving me (and apparently Marion who was channeling my energy) with a headache. After only a moderately successful session, we attempted to focus on what I wanted out of these 6 areas of my life.
(Insert Jeopardy theme song here)
It's not that I don't know what I want, its more like under these guidelines (rules, Rules, RULES!!!) it proved to be the hardest thing I did all week. Marion told me about how when Moses was given the 10 commandments (rules) he asked God what he should say about who gave them to him. God apparently answered "I am that I am".
While I struggled (the theme for today) to comprehend the true meaning of that statement, the words "I am..." resonated in my ears as the most self-affirming statement one could make to define themselves. Not I want. Not I will try or my favorite, I think... So I quickly jotted down notes about who I am, but before I knew it, it was lunchtime. Apparently, this would be my last assignment for the week, to go home and complete these for myself.
After lunch, being that it was 150 degrees outside, we were going to a "swimmin hole" too cool off. YIPPEE! As much as I like the desert, this kinda heat gets to a girl. We drove through more beautiful red rock country and went on a small hike that led to Oak Creek at the base of Cathedral Rock - the most photographed spot in all of Sedona. The water was crystal clear and cool and rushed over beautiful red boulders before it pooled up in a small...swimmin hole. I donned my bathing suit a big floppy hat and sunglasses and sat down in the creek. I closed my eyes as the cool, crisp water rush over me. Then I had a memory, a vision of sorts, of my experience with patience. So THIS was patience. I liked it. I think I could get used to this patience thing.
An hour or so later it was time to return home for dinner and my evenings treat, a massage (YIPPEE). On the way back to the car, I was looking down (which you should always do in rattlesnake country) and discovered a heart shaped red rock, just like the ones I photographed at Gary and Marion. I squealed like I had struck gold and Gary walked back to me. Approving of my finding he smiled and said, "That is a good one, except that little chip out of the top right corner of the heart". Thinking I was all profound, I quickly responded "It's ok, I like it. After all, no one is perfect." He smiled at me and turned back to our path saying "I dunno, I think we are ALL perfect just the way we are - chips and all".
I got back in the car and looked down at my chipped heart when a thought occurred to me - I am...whole, just as I am.
Apparently there is a part many people miss, actually figuring out your hearts desires. Hmm. World Peace? Too big? Umm, how about never having to do dishes or laundry again? Too small? Well, shoot. What then?
There is apparently a technique to be able to manifest your hearts desires - it is the result of deep reflection, an understanding of the way we see ourselves and how we communicate to others (and ourselves) about our desires and as there is no such thing as the past or future (only now) it must be a statement in present tense. How come this feels like the hardest test I have ever taken.
We broke my (and most people's lives) down into 6 areas: Health, Spirituality, Relationships, Finances, . Then we meditated. Today was hard. My mind kept jumping back in saying "Hey! Don't forget about me! I want a say too!" leaving me (and apparently Marion who was channeling my energy) with a headache. After only a moderately successful session, we attempted to focus on what I wanted out of these 6 areas of my life.
(Insert Jeopardy theme song here)
It's not that I don't know what I want, its more like under these guidelines (rules, Rules, RULES!!!) it proved to be the hardest thing I did all week. Marion told me about how when Moses was given the 10 commandments (rules) he asked God what he should say about who gave them to him. God apparently answered "I am that I am".
While I struggled (the theme for today) to comprehend the true meaning of that statement, the words "I am..." resonated in my ears as the most self-affirming statement one could make to define themselves. Not I want. Not I will try or my favorite, I think... So I quickly jotted down notes about who I am, but before I knew it, it was lunchtime. Apparently, this would be my last assignment for the week, to go home and complete these for myself.
After lunch, being that it was 150 degrees outside, we were going to a "swimmin hole" too cool off. YIPPEE! As much as I like the desert, this kinda heat gets to a girl. We drove through more beautiful red rock country and went on a small hike that led to Oak Creek at the base of Cathedral Rock - the most photographed spot in all of Sedona. The water was crystal clear and cool and rushed over beautiful red boulders before it pooled up in a small...swimmin hole. I donned my bathing suit a big floppy hat and sunglasses and sat down in the creek. I closed my eyes as the cool, crisp water rush over me. Then I had a memory, a vision of sorts, of my experience with patience. So THIS was patience. I liked it. I think I could get used to this patience thing.
An hour or so later it was time to return home for dinner and my evenings treat, a massage (YIPPEE). On the way back to the car, I was looking down (which you should always do in rattlesnake country) and discovered a heart shaped red rock, just like the ones I photographed at Gary and Marion. I squealed like I had struck gold and Gary walked back to me. Approving of my finding he smiled and said, "That is a good one, except that little chip out of the top right corner of the heart". Thinking I was all profound, I quickly responded "It's ok, I like it. After all, no one is perfect." He smiled at me and turned back to our path saying "I dunno, I think we are ALL perfect just the way we are - chips and all".
I got back in the car and looked down at my chipped heart when a thought occurred to me - I am...whole, just as I am.
Jun 20, 2008
Day 21 - Sedona - The Clairvoyant Cowgirl
Yup (spit). Um, Hum (spit). That's right (spit). I'm now a full fledged cowgirl. The Clairvoyant Cowgirl is gonna be my stage name when I go on the road. How did this happen to a designer shoe loving, dirt hating, city girl from San Francisco
Well it started in the morning with my Mediation and Intuition workshops. I learned that intuition (i.e. psychic energy, clairvoyance, etc.) is in all of us, being received through thoughts, sounds and sight. We have all had the "gut feeling" or sometimes hear "a voice" in our head that sounds like our own voice, but the words don't seem to be coming from us. Most people have it, but most people just don't pay attention to it and therefore cannot develop it beyond the occasional hunch.
We practiced a couple of exercises, including pulling words of “intent” from upside down rocks laid out in a medicine circle. The words I pulled were: Joy, Be, God, Patience. Now these are good all around words for pretty much anyone looking to improve their life and connect with a power higher than themselves. But it comes down to meaning for oneself. To REALLY get those you have to meditate (in whatever that means for you). Aunt Marian led me in meditation and this is what I experienced through focusing on each word:
Be and God: I put these together, because the rocks were so similar that I pulled them at the same time. What was also important for me was the idea that we are all PART of God and not separate from him (that he is some old dude with a big white beard up in the sky), thus we have the “way” within ourselves. I went deeper into meditation when I focused on this. Now many of you may or may not be shocked by who I met there – the angel I have been chasing all over kingdom come. She was holding me up and cradling me in such a way that I felt safe and secure. This was the most overwhelming point of the meditation filled with fear, tears and eventual surrender to the knowing that something bigger than just me alone is guiding me through life. Something keeping me safe and loved.
Finally Patience: Some would say (including myself) that patience is the thing I had to work on the most. Patience for me came in the form of a stream with smooth river rocks that I walked and soaked my feet in. It calmed me. I didn’t need to be anywhere else when I was there. Patience apparently, can be a virtue.
Jun 19, 2008
Day 20 - Sedona/Grand Canyon - They Don't Call It Grand for Nothin
Today there were no workshops, no meditations, no healing, just hiking. And well, if one MUST hike, there is this big hole in the ground about 2 hours North of Sedona you may have heard of.
Many of you may or may not know that the Grand Canyon is my single most favorite place in the world. I have had the pleasure of visiting three times now and each time it catches me off guard the first time I stare down into its vast chasm. I almost feel as if my face is not big enough to take it all in, let alone that I can even attempt to take a photograph to do it justice.
On the way, Aunt Marian and Uncle Gary and I played a game reminiscent of the book of questions but with more of a spiritual bend:
After lunch it would be my turn to test my physical prowess with a hike down into one of the 7 natural wonders of the world. As 4 million people visit the canyon every year, you can imagine how crowded June would be despite the temperature (actually about 20-30 degrees cooler than Phoenix just 2 1/2 hours away due to its elevation of 7,000 feet). Aunt Marian stayed on the rim, choosing a more horizontal trail and to find a quiet meditation spot, while Uncle Gary and I proved (or competed, I'm not sure) how physically fit we actually are.
It took us 30 minutes to go down about a mile and a half to the first rest stop in the canyon. At this point, you have lost 80% of the visitors and of the 20% that make it this far, 90% stop here. Being that it can take at least twice as long to get back up, I decided not to push my luck and turn around. Gary however, pushed down another 2 miles - you go! I leisurely sauntered my way back up the trail, stopping for pictures, shade, water and the occasional mule train. I was astonished to realized how much more difficult it is to climb back up the canyon, having a lot to do with the altitude (its at 7,000 feet at the rim and I live at sea level) and heat (it was almost 90 degrees at the rim and hotter as you descended - some parts of the canyon floor can get up to 130 on the hottest days). About half way up, Gary passed me up commenting how he thought I would be in line for ice cream already - watch it old man, no one would question a "fall" in the canyon...
A note to my female (and some male) readers, the canyon is a great place to meet men. People are quite friendly, especially if you are going up as you have the right of way and people are often encouraging of your return ascent. I played leap frog with these three guys who had made it out to Pioneer Trail, the half-way mark to the bottom of the canyon and were working their way back up. No one is trying to prove anything, as we all just want to make it up to the top alive, without heat stroke or dehydration and beer becomes a common bond.
Making it up to the top has the same feeling as finishing a marathon, you feel as if you have accomplished more than the average person, even if you walked most of it. Its a moment of celebration and relief that you were indeed NOT going to DIE THERE or worse, have to pay $5,000 for a helicopter rescue.
On the way back to Sedona, after a stop for an amazing Mexican dinner, I began to think about my first day here when I pulled my Relaxation Angel Card. One of the questions mentioned what I can learn from experiencing nature. Looking out at the Grand Canyon today, strangely enough I learned patience. The Grand Canyon took over 500,000 million years to form the most naturally beautiful thing on this planet, so who am I to think that I can quickly become the person I always wanted to be. I takes time, effort, and a willingness surrendering to the elements to become so grand. If it worked for some rocks and water....
Many of you may or may not know that the Grand Canyon is my single most favorite place in the world. I have had the pleasure of visiting three times now and each time it catches me off guard the first time I stare down into its vast chasm. I almost feel as if my face is not big enough to take it all in, let alone that I can even attempt to take a photograph to do it justice.
On the way, Aunt Marian and Uncle Gary and I played a game reminiscent of the book of questions but with more of a spiritual bend:
- If you could be any animal, what would it be? Duh, a seal of course
- If you could play any instrument, what would it be and why? Piano, cause I want to be the first "piano woman"
- If you could have dinner with anyone, who would it be and why? Jesus. I want to know what he REALLY thinks about all of this. I have a hunch he has a wicked sense of humor.
After lunch it would be my turn to test my physical prowess with a hike down into one of the 7 natural wonders of the world. As 4 million people visit the canyon every year, you can imagine how crowded June would be despite the temperature (actually about 20-30 degrees cooler than Phoenix just 2 1/2 hours away due to its elevation of 7,000 feet). Aunt Marian stayed on the rim, choosing a more horizontal trail and to find a quiet meditation spot, while Uncle Gary and I proved (or competed, I'm not sure) how physically fit we actually are.
It took us 30 minutes to go down about a mile and a half to the first rest stop in the canyon. At this point, you have lost 80% of the visitors and of the 20% that make it this far, 90% stop here. Being that it can take at least twice as long to get back up, I decided not to push my luck and turn around. Gary however, pushed down another 2 miles - you go! I leisurely sauntered my way back up the trail, stopping for pictures, shade, water and the occasional mule train. I was astonished to realized how much more difficult it is to climb back up the canyon, having a lot to do with the altitude (its at 7,000 feet at the rim and I live at sea level) and heat (it was almost 90 degrees at the rim and hotter as you descended - some parts of the canyon floor can get up to 130 on the hottest days). About half way up, Gary passed me up commenting how he thought I would be in line for ice cream already - watch it old man, no one would question a "fall" in the canyon...
A note to my female (and some male) readers, the canyon is a great place to meet men. People are quite friendly, especially if you are going up as you have the right of way and people are often encouraging of your return ascent. I played leap frog with these three guys who had made it out to Pioneer Trail, the half-way mark to the bottom of the canyon and were working their way back up. No one is trying to prove anything, as we all just want to make it up to the top alive, without heat stroke or dehydration and beer becomes a common bond.
Making it up to the top has the same feeling as finishing a marathon, you feel as if you have accomplished more than the average person, even if you walked most of it. Its a moment of celebration and relief that you were indeed NOT going to DIE THERE or worse, have to pay $5,000 for a helicopter rescue.
On the way back to Sedona, after a stop for an amazing Mexican dinner, I began to think about my first day here when I pulled my Relaxation Angel Card. One of the questions mentioned what I can learn from experiencing nature. Looking out at the Grand Canyon today, strangely enough I learned patience. The Grand Canyon took over 500,000 million years to form the most naturally beautiful thing on this planet, so who am I to think that I can quickly become the person I always wanted to be. I takes time, effort, and a willingness surrendering to the elements to become so grand. If it worked for some rocks and water....
Jun 18, 2008
Day 19 - Sedona - You Can Run But You Can't Hide
Ok, at least I slept until about 6:15 today. WHOO HOO for small victories. What's nice about it is that people have always told me mornings are beautiful so now I can at least confirm for myself, yup, they certainly are. But don't think I'll be making a habit of this when I come home or anything...
Today's workshop was about Living in the Moment and Healing Your Spirit. She's up for a challenge with me. Our discussion centered around the easy to explain (but nearly impossible for most people to live) concept that the past and the future do not really exist - there is only the present moment. Right. The challenge is in that one cannot allow themselves to be driven by memories of the past or the fear/the anticipation of future events, they are part of the whole, but everything we do now (including choosing happiness) will directly impact the course of our life. Wrap your mind around that for awhile.
The Spirit told Marian (if you are not yet a believer, just go with it for arguments sake - I promise you just may be after today...) that we were done with talking and that she needed to perform some healing on me. I laid down on the couch as she talked me into a quiet meditative state. We had discussed certain areas of my body where I tend to hold my stress (my shoulders, my diaphram area and my lower right pelvic region - the last two I have struggled with mystery ailments for at least a decade). She moved her hands over me "moving energy" through my body. As she moved her hands above these areas the "heat" became more intense, as if someone or something was drawing it out. Then she began to repeat statements, though in her voice, sounded almost as if they could come from me - from the voice(s) inside my head. The message of this session was my body's willingness to let go of the "pain and anger" but my minds strong desire to "hold on" as a protective mechanism. The good news was that I was letting go, albeit slowly (and you didn't think I was that stubborn...) but that was ok. It was an intense experience that left me a bit drained and quite contemplative about exactly what had happened.
After lunch we went to visit some ancient Native American ruins before my appointment with a Native American Shaman. Now THAT should be interesting. At the very least maybe I could get a cool Native American name like "She who loves shoes" or "Runs with Rockstars" or maybe "Cooks like a Madwoman".
The ruins were called Honanki and were the remnants of 6,000 year old cliff dwellings located about 10 miles outside of Sedona down this dirt road at the base of a Mesa. They aren't very well know, so minus one jeep tour we were on our own. This was the first time I was able to see cave drawings up close and personal. It was amazing to think that people lived their entire existence in this dessert and were capable of such advanced thinking and survival techniques. I spent some time just wandering through the foliage at the base of the Mesa and took it all in. We really are just a blip in the existence and what we know about of this entire planet. Puts life in perspective doesn't it.
On the way to the Shaman's house (yes, he lives in a house not a tee pee or mud hut), we started to discuss the lives of ancient Native American Tribes and what happened to many of them, including the tribe (descendants of the Hopis) who lived at Honanki. Well, this particular tribe of about 10,000 people vanished one day without a trace, which strangely enough is the fate of a few other tribes in the area. Where did they go? Well, that is where our conversation got interesting. After my crack about the spaceship coming down and taking them home, my "wacky and crazy" Uncle Gary began to talk about a theory that involved "portals" to other dimensions. Apparently many Native Americans and other believers believe that Arizona is full of them. That the period we are in is actually the 4th dimension of sorts as we are forced to leave other dimensions after some disaster that has rendered their world uninhabitable. This conversation then progressed onto shape shifting, everyone's intuitive/psychic powers and even my own ability to call upon the spirits of those I hold dear for signs that they are there to guide me. Uhhh...this where they lost me about. It's not that I DON'T believe, its more like I am unsure if I am ready for an experience like that. Its the Catholic Dogma still at work. The same one that told me bringing a Ouija board into my house would call up Satan and I would never be able to loose him and that would be a bummer.
My Shaman (cause well, you don't have one now do you) is named Clay Miller. Damn, if he doesn't have a cool Native American name, what are my chances. He at least looked like a Native American, tall dark skin, thin, long grey braids and a life force that emanated from within that really, in my opinion, made him quite attractive. He looked 40 but I knew he had to be much older as we people of color age well (YIPPEE). I later found out he was 58. Damn. I want what he has.
We were invited in his house, past his two dogs a snow while Akita with one blue eye named Hanta Yo and another gold Akita mix named Cheyenne. Other than the fact that they are Japanese snow dogs by breed, they really seemed fitting as Akitas tend to look like descendants from wolves. We sat down in a circle and clay began to chat with me. What I noticed about my (recent time spend with) Intuitive people is that while they pay intense attention to you at times, other times you can see actually see when they are being "spoken to" from "others" as they seem to "leave the space". Clay did this quite a few times at the beginning of our discussion. He began by telling me a bit about spiritual energy throughout the world. As our discussion (ok mostly him talking) progressed, he felt a need to tell me about a woman he just worked with the other day. He went out into nature and had this woman gather rocks to represent some of the things she was feeling inside. The first rock she gathered was a large smooth black rock - Clay said this represented her father figure. The next rock she gathered was a smaller, mostly smooth, but slightly jagged white rock - Clay said that this rock represented her mother. He then asked me to pick a rock that I think would represent a child (as this point I am starting to realize he's not talking about the woman anymore...). I picked out this small smooth rock, pink in color, with a bright red spot on the top and a "calcified" white top all around the red spot. He said this rock represented happiness and joy of a child.
He said, that there was a lot of animosity that "this woman" had towards the white rock that it did not "protect her" when she needed it most - mostly from the black rock. Aunt Marian gasped at this point, while tears began to well up in my eyes. Then he randomly grabbed another large, multi-colored rock and said "this is a relationship that has just ended". Gulp. Gasp. NO F'N WAY! Seems that while my heart and spirit were buying into this, my head was like "ok, WHO told him what?! You Aunt Marion. Oh, it's gotta be you Gary". But the looks on their faces told me otherwise. This is the point in the program where you just need to believe I guess. Hmm.
For the remainder of our session, I pulled 4 more rocks and we went through what they meant to me. The most poignant thing that came out of it, was a rock that stood up on end, kinda like a seal poking his head out of the ocean. This rock represented me. Clay told me that my "power animal spirit guide" was a seal. And smiled. A seal huh? Well, I do live in San Francisco and I once made a seal in highschool ceramics class....a seal it is. I guess.
I left there, a bit more spent than I was earlier in the day. To "cheer me up" or maybe cause they wanted it to, we stopped by dairy queen for blizzards and sundaes. I KNEW they were my favorite aunt and uncle.
I came back and went for a walk before dinner. Part of me felt like maybe I needed to be journaling, but most of me felt like I was accomplishing so much by just "being" that maybe I just needed to indeed, BE in the moment and just take in everything I have been learning about myself. Also, the day wasn't over. I had one more healing session. Oh for Christ, God, Buddha, Allah and Pete's sake - what MORE could I possibly have to give at this point?! Are we moving onto my past lives? Can't my seal and I just catch a break?
The healing session began with Gary leading me in meditation. As I was to focus on my
"intent" of this session, he said a Navajo Prayer and began to sing/chant over me. They say you may have "visions" during such a session, but all I saw were visions of Native American Dancers and even a few Mayans to throw in. Who knows if that was my vision or if it was because I was reading National Geographic about Native Peoples earlier in the day. As he then played the Aboriginal Digderedoo over my meditative body to bring the vibrations of the earth and music into my body, Marion came in and lead me on an adventure with my Seal. Ok, this should be good. My seal and I frolicked in the ocean, zipping through like Harry Potter on his broom, at what felt like mach speed. When asked what my animal guides message was for me, he apparently talked to me (ok, who slipped the peyote in the incense?) and told me that "I need to enjoy life. It was there for me and would make sure I have everything I need. Just enjoy it". While doing this I suddenly realized I was in the ocean swimming with a seal. And besides me what was the natural predator of seals? SHARKS!? FUCK! I felt myself panic, but my animal guide came up to me and said "Yup, there are sharks, but there are always sharks so why worry about them" and swam away, still doing underwater acrobatics. As Marian led me "back into my body" I bid the seal farewell and opened my eyes.
Now while what happened was interesting and I am not sure how much was my spirit talking, how much was Marian and how much was my mind conjuring these things up - what I do know is that the session lasted 45 minutes and felt like 5, maybe 10 at the most. Strange.
As I crawled into bed exhausted, I thought about my day. We spend a lot of time being who we think other people or even we, think we should be. This often leads to a certain amount of anxiety or frustration with the world we live in. But inside us all there is a true self SCREAMING to be let out, even if we don't realize it. I like to compare it to a game of hide and seek - the answers aren't always in plain sight, but they are there. Sometimes you just need to look a little deeper and a little harder, but eventually you will find them -- no matter how far they run, no matter where they hide.
Today's workshop was about Living in the Moment and Healing Your Spirit. She's up for a challenge with me. Our discussion centered around the easy to explain (but nearly impossible for most people to live) concept that the past and the future do not really exist - there is only the present moment. Right. The challenge is in that one cannot allow themselves to be driven by memories of the past or the fear/the anticipation of future events, they are part of the whole, but everything we do now (including choosing happiness) will directly impact the course of our life. Wrap your mind around that for awhile.
The Spirit told Marian (if you are not yet a believer, just go with it for arguments sake - I promise you just may be after today...) that we were done with talking and that she needed to perform some healing on me. I laid down on the couch as she talked me into a quiet meditative state. We had discussed certain areas of my body where I tend to hold my stress (my shoulders, my diaphram area and my lower right pelvic region - the last two I have struggled with mystery ailments for at least a decade). She moved her hands over me "moving energy" through my body. As she moved her hands above these areas the "heat" became more intense, as if someone or something was drawing it out. Then she began to repeat statements, though in her voice, sounded almost as if they could come from me - from the voice(s) inside my head. The message of this session was my body's willingness to let go of the "pain and anger" but my minds strong desire to "hold on" as a protective mechanism. The good news was that I was letting go, albeit slowly (and you didn't think I was that stubborn...) but that was ok. It was an intense experience that left me a bit drained and quite contemplative about exactly what had happened.
After lunch we went to visit some ancient Native American ruins before my appointment with a Native American Shaman. Now THAT should be interesting. At the very least maybe I could get a cool Native American name like "She who loves shoes" or "Runs with Rockstars" or maybe "Cooks like a Madwoman".
The ruins were called Honanki and were the remnants of 6,000 year old cliff dwellings located about 10 miles outside of Sedona down this dirt road at the base of a Mesa. They aren't very well know, so minus one jeep tour we were on our own. This was the first time I was able to see cave drawings up close and personal. It was amazing to think that people lived their entire existence in this dessert and were capable of such advanced thinking and survival techniques. I spent some time just wandering through the foliage at the base of the Mesa and took it all in. We really are just a blip in the existence and what we know about of this entire planet. Puts life in perspective doesn't it.
On the way to the Shaman's house (yes, he lives in a house not a tee pee or mud hut), we started to discuss the lives of ancient Native American Tribes and what happened to many of them, including the tribe (descendants of the Hopis) who lived at Honanki. Well, this particular tribe of about 10,000 people vanished one day without a trace, which strangely enough is the fate of a few other tribes in the area. Where did they go? Well, that is where our conversation got interesting. After my crack about the spaceship coming down and taking them home, my "wacky and crazy" Uncle Gary began to talk about a theory that involved "portals" to other dimensions. Apparently many Native Americans and other believers believe that Arizona is full of them. That the period we are in is actually the 4th dimension of sorts as we are forced to leave other dimensions after some disaster that has rendered their world uninhabitable. This conversation then progressed onto shape shifting, everyone's intuitive/psychic powers and even my own ability to call upon the spirits of those I hold dear for signs that they are there to guide me. Uhhh...this where they lost me about. It's not that I DON'T believe, its more like I am unsure if I am ready for an experience like that. Its the Catholic Dogma still at work. The same one that told me bringing a Ouija board into my house would call up Satan and I would never be able to loose him and that would be a bummer.
My Shaman (cause well, you don't have one now do you) is named Clay Miller. Damn, if he doesn't have a cool Native American name, what are my chances. He at least looked like a Native American, tall dark skin, thin, long grey braids and a life force that emanated from within that really, in my opinion, made him quite attractive. He looked 40 but I knew he had to be much older as we people of color age well (YIPPEE). I later found out he was 58. Damn. I want what he has.
We were invited in his house, past his two dogs a snow while Akita with one blue eye named Hanta Yo and another gold Akita mix named Cheyenne. Other than the fact that they are Japanese snow dogs by breed, they really seemed fitting as Akitas tend to look like descendants from wolves. We sat down in a circle and clay began to chat with me. What I noticed about my (recent time spend with) Intuitive people is that while they pay intense attention to you at times, other times you can see actually see when they are being "spoken to" from "others" as they seem to "leave the space". Clay did this quite a few times at the beginning of our discussion. He began by telling me a bit about spiritual energy throughout the world. As our discussion (ok mostly him talking) progressed, he felt a need to tell me about a woman he just worked with the other day. He went out into nature and had this woman gather rocks to represent some of the things she was feeling inside. The first rock she gathered was a large smooth black rock - Clay said this represented her father figure. The next rock she gathered was a smaller, mostly smooth, but slightly jagged white rock - Clay said that this rock represented her mother. He then asked me to pick a rock that I think would represent a child (as this point I am starting to realize he's not talking about the woman anymore...). I picked out this small smooth rock, pink in color, with a bright red spot on the top and a "calcified" white top all around the red spot. He said this rock represented happiness and joy of a child.
He said, that there was a lot of animosity that "this woman" had towards the white rock that it did not "protect her" when she needed it most - mostly from the black rock. Aunt Marian gasped at this point, while tears began to well up in my eyes. Then he randomly grabbed another large, multi-colored rock and said "this is a relationship that has just ended". Gulp. Gasp. NO F'N WAY! Seems that while my heart and spirit were buying into this, my head was like "ok, WHO told him what?! You Aunt Marion. Oh, it's gotta be you Gary". But the looks on their faces told me otherwise. This is the point in the program where you just need to believe I guess. Hmm.
For the remainder of our session, I pulled 4 more rocks and we went through what they meant to me. The most poignant thing that came out of it, was a rock that stood up on end, kinda like a seal poking his head out of the ocean. This rock represented me. Clay told me that my "power animal spirit guide" was a seal. And smiled. A seal huh? Well, I do live in San Francisco and I once made a seal in highschool ceramics class....a seal it is. I guess.
I left there, a bit more spent than I was earlier in the day. To "cheer me up" or maybe cause they wanted it to, we stopped by dairy queen for blizzards and sundaes. I KNEW they were my favorite aunt and uncle.
I came back and went for a walk before dinner. Part of me felt like maybe I needed to be journaling, but most of me felt like I was accomplishing so much by just "being" that maybe I just needed to indeed, BE in the moment and just take in everything I have been learning about myself. Also, the day wasn't over. I had one more healing session. Oh for Christ, God, Buddha, Allah and Pete's sake - what MORE could I possibly have to give at this point?! Are we moving onto my past lives? Can't my seal and I just catch a break?
The healing session began with Gary leading me in meditation. As I was to focus on my
"intent" of this session, he said a Navajo Prayer and began to sing/chant over me. They say you may have "visions" during such a session, but all I saw were visions of Native American Dancers and even a few Mayans to throw in. Who knows if that was my vision or if it was because I was reading National Geographic about Native Peoples earlier in the day. As he then played the Aboriginal Digderedoo over my meditative body to bring the vibrations of the earth and music into my body, Marion came in and lead me on an adventure with my Seal. Ok, this should be good. My seal and I frolicked in the ocean, zipping through like Harry Potter on his broom, at what felt like mach speed. When asked what my animal guides message was for me, he apparently talked to me (ok, who slipped the peyote in the incense?) and told me that "I need to enjoy life. It was there for me and would make sure I have everything I need. Just enjoy it". While doing this I suddenly realized I was in the ocean swimming with a seal. And besides me what was the natural predator of seals? SHARKS!? FUCK! I felt myself panic, but my animal guide came up to me and said "Yup, there are sharks, but there are always sharks so why worry about them" and swam away, still doing underwater acrobatics. As Marian led me "back into my body" I bid the seal farewell and opened my eyes.
Now while what happened was interesting and I am not sure how much was my spirit talking, how much was Marian and how much was my mind conjuring these things up - what I do know is that the session lasted 45 minutes and felt like 5, maybe 10 at the most. Strange.
As I crawled into bed exhausted, I thought about my day. We spend a lot of time being who we think other people or even we, think we should be. This often leads to a certain amount of anxiety or frustration with the world we live in. But inside us all there is a true self SCREAMING to be let out, even if we don't realize it. I like to compare it to a game of hide and seek - the answers aren't always in plain sight, but they are there. Sometimes you just need to look a little deeper and a little harder, but eventually you will find them -- no matter how far they run, no matter where they hide.
Jun 17, 2008
Day 18 - Sedona - Down the Rabbit Hole...
Staying with Marian and Gary is like staying with your favorite Aunt and Uncle who completely freak out your totally conservative parents who are convinced that one time you are going to come back wearing dashikis, chanting, recounting your vision quest with a spirit named Rom 617 and how you are now renouncing all worldly possessions and want to drop out of life and become a healer for dogs and cats suffering from advanced depression.
Not quite. There is a lot of talk of spirit and higher purpose, but its more like summer camp with really good food, lots of exercise and an occasional emotional breakthrough aka breakdown. Though I am meeting with my Native American Spirit Guide on Tuesday, so there is still time...
I woke up at about 5:20 because there are no window coverings in my gorgeous guest suite. Um, yeah - still sleeping here. Begrudgingly, I got out of bed but once I looked outside at the blue sky, gorgeous mesas and topography it wasn't so bad. I went for a short walk to visit the horses and take some photos first thing, but by 7:00 a.m. it was already 85 degrees so I headed back in for shelter. Every time I think I could live in Arizona, the heat reminds me otherwise.
My workshops today was about Prayer & Meditation and Living in Balance & Harmony. Basically we determined that the difference between prayer and meditation is that prayer tends to feel like a very outgoing message to someone or something "out there" which is why many people loose faith (pun intended) in most conventional religions because its requiring a belief in something controling the world other than onself. Something you have a hard time touching or feeling. Meditation tends to me a more "internal" practice, bringing God or Spirit or Energy into ones own self. It is based upon the idea that we are all part of something greater and once put into practice, easier for people to understand and follow.
For the second time in my life, I was able to enter a deep meditation that I can only describe as feeling "energy" throughout your entire body and when you come out of it, you feel as if you have had a great sleep even though your mind was fully conscious during the entire session. Apparently sleep IS optional.
The second part of the workshop was learning about something called an Native American Medicine Wheel. I am just beginning to grasp exactly what it is, but we have probably all seen them in our lives most frequently as the center of those dream catchers you see everywhere when you are visiting Aative American sites (or at your crazy Aunt and Uncle's house). They are based upon a simple principal that the earth and all things are divided into 4 equal parts of a circle - Mental (air), Spiritual (Fire), Emotional (Water), Physical (Earth) - with a smaller inner circle representing love. Most people tend to favor one of the parts (being a Sagittarius and a Fire sign I guess it makes sense that I am on this Spiritual quest), but in order to find harmony and balance one must rotate (like the Earth) through all parts of the circle, this includes bringing any outside influences (i.e. Anger, Fear, Turmoil) into the the circle and processing them through. Its a simple idea that if one gets stuck in any one part of the wheel without working through all parts in equal harmony, you feel stuck in your life. The same goes with those external influences - if you leave them outside the wheel you end up understanding that "denial ain't just a river in egypt" and over time will cause the same "stuck" feeling.
So being that I was able to check off The Mental (learning about this), Spiritual (Meditation) and Emotional (hello tears - I hadn't seen you in a whole day) it was time I embarked upon the Physical part of my journey today.
Uncle Gary, Aunt Marian and my furry cousin Dylan took me out to Sedona to explore 2 of the famed Vortex sites - Airport Mesa and Cathedral Rock. Airport Mesa is an easy drive and hike to one of the most picturesque spots in Sedona allowing for great vistas of other Vortexes formations and the Oak Creek Canyon below. Cathedral Rock is the crowning glory of Sedona and the picture I used in my picasa album to typify Sedona. That hike was a little more intense and WAY hotter. Adjusting to the heat and the change in altitude (us San Franciscans live at sea level, this formation is at 5,700 feet) I slowly made my way to the top of the world. It was worth it. I even tackled some of my own fear of heights to walk out to a ledge and snap a great photo that will be uploaded to my album as well.
When one is standing on a vortex site, many reactions could occur. People with developed intuitive skills often feel and intense pull and energy, others feel nothing (thus the skepticism) and some, like myself, feel a general sense of peace. Now I have no idea if this is truly the power of the vortex or simply an appreciation for the awe inspiring beauty this part of the country evokes. All I know is, who am I to say, I'm here too looking for...something. Anything? Anyone? Bueller..
After dinner I watched a movie called "What the Bleep Do We Know?". In my recent studies, I had heard this movie references more than once. I understand that when it was in theatres a few years back, it was a bit of a sleeper hit, people returning over and over. Now I see why, it made my head hurt - in a good way. The basic premise is a half dramatized, half narrated, docudrama about the principal that Physics and Spirituality are more closely linked than ever accepted before by the scientific community. Its based upon the simple principal that perceived reality is actually mailable and is based solely upon ones beliefs and ensuing actions (and a certain amount of retraining of the brain). I know that is a very simplified and "no duhhh that our actions dictate our reality" way of stating it, but trust me, if you have 90 minutes and an open mind it will give you a headache too in the most awesome way.
Head full from my days lessons, medicine wheel work complete and tummy satisfied, I crawled into bed early to contemplate my homework for today - apparently "Spirit" thinks I have "trust issues". Hmm, you think?
Not quite. There is a lot of talk of spirit and higher purpose, but its more like summer camp with really good food, lots of exercise and an occasional emotional breakthrough aka breakdown. Though I am meeting with my Native American Spirit Guide on Tuesday, so there is still time...
I woke up at about 5:20 because there are no window coverings in my gorgeous guest suite. Um, yeah - still sleeping here. Begrudgingly, I got out of bed but once I looked outside at the blue sky, gorgeous mesas and topography it wasn't so bad. I went for a short walk to visit the horses and take some photos first thing, but by 7:00 a.m. it was already 85 degrees so I headed back in for shelter. Every time I think I could live in Arizona, the heat reminds me otherwise.
My workshops today was about Prayer & Meditation and Living in Balance & Harmony. Basically we determined that the difference between prayer and meditation is that prayer tends to feel like a very outgoing message to someone or something "out there" which is why many people loose faith (pun intended) in most conventional religions because its requiring a belief in something controling the world other than onself. Something you have a hard time touching or feeling. Meditation tends to me a more "internal" practice, bringing God or Spirit or Energy into ones own self. It is based upon the idea that we are all part of something greater and once put into practice, easier for people to understand and follow.
For the second time in my life, I was able to enter a deep meditation that I can only describe as feeling "energy" throughout your entire body and when you come out of it, you feel as if you have had a great sleep even though your mind was fully conscious during the entire session. Apparently sleep IS optional.
The second part of the workshop was learning about something called an Native American Medicine Wheel. I am just beginning to grasp exactly what it is, but we have probably all seen them in our lives most frequently as the center of those dream catchers you see everywhere when you are visiting Aative American sites (or at your crazy Aunt and Uncle's house). They are based upon a simple principal that the earth and all things are divided into 4 equal parts of a circle - Mental (air), Spiritual (Fire), Emotional (Water), Physical (Earth) - with a smaller inner circle representing love. Most people tend to favor one of the parts (being a Sagittarius and a Fire sign I guess it makes sense that I am on this Spiritual quest), but in order to find harmony and balance one must rotate (like the Earth) through all parts of the circle, this includes bringing any outside influences (i.e. Anger, Fear, Turmoil) into the the circle and processing them through. Its a simple idea that if one gets stuck in any one part of the wheel without working through all parts in equal harmony, you feel stuck in your life. The same goes with those external influences - if you leave them outside the wheel you end up understanding that "denial ain't just a river in egypt" and over time will cause the same "stuck" feeling.
So being that I was able to check off The Mental (learning about this), Spiritual (Meditation) and Emotional (hello tears - I hadn't seen you in a whole day) it was time I embarked upon the Physical part of my journey today.
Uncle Gary, Aunt Marian and my furry cousin Dylan took me out to Sedona to explore 2 of the famed Vortex sites - Airport Mesa and Cathedral Rock. Airport Mesa is an easy drive and hike to one of the most picturesque spots in Sedona allowing for great vistas of other Vortexes formations and the Oak Creek Canyon below. Cathedral Rock is the crowning glory of Sedona and the picture I used in my picasa album to typify Sedona. That hike was a little more intense and WAY hotter. Adjusting to the heat and the change in altitude (us San Franciscans live at sea level, this formation is at 5,700 feet) I slowly made my way to the top of the world. It was worth it. I even tackled some of my own fear of heights to walk out to a ledge and snap a great photo that will be uploaded to my album as well.
When one is standing on a vortex site, many reactions could occur. People with developed intuitive skills often feel and intense pull and energy, others feel nothing (thus the skepticism) and some, like myself, feel a general sense of peace. Now I have no idea if this is truly the power of the vortex or simply an appreciation for the awe inspiring beauty this part of the country evokes. All I know is, who am I to say, I'm here too looking for...something. Anything? Anyone? Bueller..
After dinner I watched a movie called "What the Bleep Do We Know?". In my recent studies, I had heard this movie references more than once. I understand that when it was in theatres a few years back, it was a bit of a sleeper hit, people returning over and over. Now I see why, it made my head hurt - in a good way. The basic premise is a half dramatized, half narrated, docudrama about the principal that Physics and Spirituality are more closely linked than ever accepted before by the scientific community. Its based upon the simple principal that perceived reality is actually mailable and is based solely upon ones beliefs and ensuing actions (and a certain amount of retraining of the brain). I know that is a very simplified and "no duhhh that our actions dictate our reality" way of stating it, but trust me, if you have 90 minutes and an open mind it will give you a headache too in the most awesome way.
Head full from my days lessons, medicine wheel work complete and tummy satisfied, I crawled into bed early to contemplate my homework for today - apparently "Spirit" thinks I have "trust issues". Hmm, you think?
Jun 16, 2008
Day 17 - SFO to Sedona - On the Road Again
I love airports. No scratch that. I love airport security. I understand that it is a different world, one where plastic knives and semiautomatic weapons are relegated to the same category, where more than 3 ounces of liquid could lead to a national disaster, where going anything but barefoot on a plane endangers the lives of everyone on board. But come on folks, let's get some consistency here. I have been flying for 3 weeks now and depending it seems, upon the country, day, mood, tide, moon and stars, each airport (regardless of country it seems) has different standards of safety. Yes, hold onto your passport/ID every 10 steps - no put it away after they check it once. Wear your shoes - take off your shoes. Take out your plastic baggie of 3 oz products - no leave it in your bag. Oh, you're wearing a dress, step aside so we can personally search you in case you are smuggling munchins on the plane - oh jeans, oh please step aside so we can pat you down in case somewhere in those form fitting overpriced pieces of fabric you have stashed things in your pocket that our millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment cannot detect. And please, have the NERVE to get agitated with me when I am totally unclear to what your particular airport's rules du jour are. Sigh. Pretty soon, we're going to be traveling naked, having to ship all of our luggage to our intended destination, for a ticket that once cost $200 that now is $2000 for no service, no meal and no dignity. Did I mention I love airports?
Well, THANK GOD I am landing in Sedona - the land of serenity now. Oh, and 183 degree days (actually 110 when I landed). During a 2 hour shuttle from Phoenix, I watched my stresses slowly melt away as I entered my own personal happy place the desert. I know many of you probably think June in the desert is an insane proposition, but frankly who asked you - its MY happy place.
When I arrived in Sedona, I was met by Gary Larson my host. Your typical Southwestern Cowboy complete with mustache, white hat, western shirt and wranglers. He greeted me with a smile as he loaded my things into his F150 extended cab and we set off into the high desert hills to his "ranch". As we drove we chatted about what brought him there (20 years ago he moved from St. Louis), how long he had been running retreats (7 years after he and Marian met) and about the property (a lovely home set on about 20 acres on a hill that is more of a ranch-style B&B with horses and dogs than a working ranch). As we unloaded my luggage and were greeted by their Australian Shepard (and my new bff) Dylan, I asked how many people were to be joining us this week. He looked me squarely in the eyes, smiled and said "Well, it's just you..."
Ok, so this is the point in the program where many of you would have maniacally laughed, mumbled some sort of "oh really, isn't that nice..." and your mind would have started spinning mercilessly and plotting HOW THE HELL YOU WOULD MAKE YOUR ESCAPE! Me? Well, I just laughed honestly, paused for a moment and said "Well, it seems that the universe thinks I need A LOT of help". Relieved themselves at my reaction, we went inside to have dinner and discuss the week ahead.
Marion is a quiet woman, fair of features and intense (did I mention she is a psychic), but very welcoming into her home. The accommodations are cool and southwestern and I have an amazing suite with a queen bed, a couch and a deluxe shower and soaking tub all to my own. The best part are the views...no money in the world can buy these views. Or it seems maybe it can, the reason they can afford to have this lifestyle - Gary used to be an investment banker in Scottsdale and one day they decided that "spirit" called to them to do more.
Food is not going to be an issue this week - dinner was a great green salad (which I had missed from my trip abroad) freshly baked bread and homemade vegetarian chili. MY PEOPLE! Then, they have set out a "snack bar" for my 24/7 access - brownies, fruit, cookies, chocolate. YIPPEE! The only house rule is that I cannot enter the kitchen, they take care of all meals and handle all clean up. Um, no need to repeat that twice.
As for my week, well, everyday I will list out my activities for they day and run through my experiences the best I can for you. Sunday was open time to get to know them, but we decided to start off our journey by working with a deck of angel cards. One simply lays out all of the cards face down, and blindly chooses a card that would be their "theme". I chose a card with a purple orchid and the term "relaxation". Hmm, interesting. Simple, but not really what I came here for...or so I thought.
I will leave you with a snippet of the books interpretation behind my card and let you judge for yourself the serendipity of my being here, at this place, with these people - alone. The one thing I will say, is that as years go on that I am quickly learning, that everything happens exactly as it should:
RELAXATION
Present Challenge: Rediscovering your inner nature through observation of physical nature. You have drawn this card to give yourself permission to take time for yourself in a natural environment in order to refill your inner reservoirs and to reacquaint yourself with your inner nature. You are being guided to build confidence in your ability to make the right choices for yourself, your family and friends, and your life work.
Angelic Message: Relaxation is half the equation for a meaningful life and is the complement to focused attention and constriction. When either half of the relaxation/constriction life-supportive equation is eroded, the human body and psyche suffers. You have incarnated into a exquisitely beautiful natural environment. You might ask "In what ways can I learn from Nature?". Nature is your shadow and your teacher, reflect back to you the opposite sides of your own personality and spirit. Seeking nature's truths for your life through quiet appreciation offers you an important view of your own life as tied to Nature's support systems and in turn to the spiritual support system of the universe.
Spiritual Opportunity/Application: Select one specific aspect of nature to teach you something important today. Follow this aspect throughout the day, paying attention to the different stages of contraction or relaxation in experiences. Because of the elements of Natures are alive, and you are alive, you share a common bond and can come to "hear" each other through your hears and your perception. Do you understand what the trees are saying as the forest whispers through the wind blowing in its branches?
The most interesting thing about all of this assessment - when I was in college I had a communications professor ask us to write an essay about the exact question listed above "do you understand what the trees are saying...". In all my 20-something wisdom, I wrote a beautiful and articulate essay about the beauty and grandness of nature and gods creation. Two days later, I got my paper back. F. WHAT?!? Despite numerous meetings with my teacher I could never understand what he was asking of me, so much so that he ended up giving me another assignment. I just wasn't ready to understand.
It seems 15 years later, someone thinks I am.
Well, THANK GOD I am landing in Sedona - the land of serenity now. Oh, and 183 degree days (actually 110 when I landed). During a 2 hour shuttle from Phoenix, I watched my stresses slowly melt away as I entered my own personal happy place the desert. I know many of you probably think June in the desert is an insane proposition, but frankly who asked you - its MY happy place.
When I arrived in Sedona, I was met by Gary Larson my host. Your typical Southwestern Cowboy complete with mustache, white hat, western shirt and wranglers. He greeted me with a smile as he loaded my things into his F150 extended cab and we set off into the high desert hills to his "ranch". As we drove we chatted about what brought him there (20 years ago he moved from St. Louis), how long he had been running retreats (7 years after he and Marian met) and about the property (a lovely home set on about 20 acres on a hill that is more of a ranch-style B&B with horses and dogs than a working ranch). As we unloaded my luggage and were greeted by their Australian Shepard (and my new bff) Dylan, I asked how many people were to be joining us this week. He looked me squarely in the eyes, smiled and said "Well, it's just you..."
Ok, so this is the point in the program where many of you would have maniacally laughed, mumbled some sort of "oh really, isn't that nice..." and your mind would have started spinning mercilessly and plotting HOW THE HELL YOU WOULD MAKE YOUR ESCAPE! Me? Well, I just laughed honestly, paused for a moment and said "Well, it seems that the universe thinks I need A LOT of help". Relieved themselves at my reaction, we went inside to have dinner and discuss the week ahead.
Marion is a quiet woman, fair of features and intense (did I mention she is a psychic), but very welcoming into her home. The accommodations are cool and southwestern and I have an amazing suite with a queen bed, a couch and a deluxe shower and soaking tub all to my own. The best part are the views...no money in the world can buy these views. Or it seems maybe it can, the reason they can afford to have this lifestyle - Gary used to be an investment banker in Scottsdale and one day they decided that "spirit" called to them to do more.
Food is not going to be an issue this week - dinner was a great green salad (which I had missed from my trip abroad) freshly baked bread and homemade vegetarian chili. MY PEOPLE! Then, they have set out a "snack bar" for my 24/7 access - brownies, fruit, cookies, chocolate. YIPPEE! The only house rule is that I cannot enter the kitchen, they take care of all meals and handle all clean up. Um, no need to repeat that twice.
As for my week, well, everyday I will list out my activities for they day and run through my experiences the best I can for you. Sunday was open time to get to know them, but we decided to start off our journey by working with a deck of angel cards. One simply lays out all of the cards face down, and blindly chooses a card that would be their "theme". I chose a card with a purple orchid and the term "relaxation". Hmm, interesting. Simple, but not really what I came here for...or so I thought.
I will leave you with a snippet of the books interpretation behind my card and let you judge for yourself the serendipity of my being here, at this place, with these people - alone. The one thing I will say, is that as years go on that I am quickly learning, that everything happens exactly as it should:
RELAXATION
Present Challenge: Rediscovering your inner nature through observation of physical nature. You have drawn this card to give yourself permission to take time for yourself in a natural environment in order to refill your inner reservoirs and to reacquaint yourself with your inner nature. You are being guided to build confidence in your ability to make the right choices for yourself, your family and friends, and your life work.
Angelic Message: Relaxation is half the equation for a meaningful life and is the complement to focused attention and constriction. When either half of the relaxation/constriction life-supportive equation is eroded, the human body and psyche suffers. You have incarnated into a exquisitely beautiful natural environment. You might ask "In what ways can I learn from Nature?". Nature is your shadow and your teacher, reflect back to you the opposite sides of your own personality and spirit. Seeking nature's truths for your life through quiet appreciation offers you an important view of your own life as tied to Nature's support systems and in turn to the spiritual support system of the universe.
Spiritual Opportunity/Application: Select one specific aspect of nature to teach you something important today. Follow this aspect throughout the day, paying attention to the different stages of contraction or relaxation in experiences. Because of the elements of Natures are alive, and you are alive, you share a common bond and can come to "hear" each other through your hears and your perception. Do you understand what the trees are saying as the forest whispers through the wind blowing in its branches?
The most interesting thing about all of this assessment - when I was in college I had a communications professor ask us to write an essay about the exact question listed above "do you understand what the trees are saying...". In all my 20-something wisdom, I wrote a beautiful and articulate essay about the beauty and grandness of nature and gods creation. Two days later, I got my paper back. F. WHAT?!? Despite numerous meetings with my teacher I could never understand what he was asking of me, so much so that he ended up giving me another assignment. I just wasn't ready to understand.
It seems 15 years later, someone thinks I am.
Jun 15, 2008
Day 16 - San Francisco - Pit Stop
Can too much TV fry your brain?
Seriously. Trapped at home without a car, laundry spinning and rinsing away, face poofy and brain mushy from 13 hours of sleep the night before - it was really the only thing I had energy to do. 3 hours of Top Chef, 4 hours of So You Think You Can Dance with an hour or two of HGTV thrown in for good measure.
Brain Check - What is the square root of 5684? Please, like I knew that when I was in school. Ok, an easier one...What is the Capital of Indiana? Gary? Umm, its at least how the song goes. Ok, ok. One more. Name all of the Best Picture Films starting in 2000 - Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, Lord of the Rings, Million Dollar Baby, Crashed, The Departed and No Country for Old Men. I so rock. Brain intact, check!
I do other things too. Like talked endlessly on the phone with friends I missed too much. Oh and then there were the in person visits. And who can forget the much needed mani and the pedi.
See, totally productive. Come on, like you would have done it any different. I will have plenty of activity starting tomorrow when I restart my trip taking cars, planes, and shuttles to reach a tiny little ranch on the outskirts of Sedona in search of my inner self (at least I think that's where she's hanging out - I hope so. I paid a lot of money to go get her) and hopefully find not heat stroke (its 100 degrees there), rattlesnake bites (they grow up to 6 feet in the desert) or Shirley McClain (I am all for multiple lives, but right now I'm trying to focus on this one).
Not sure about my connection in the desert (what do you think the changes of highspeed wifi will be at a place with no tv's?!), but I promise to update my faithful fans as often as I can (can't you see me now at the top of a rock, one foot in the air, arms waving, repeating "Can you hear me now? What about now? now?")
Get along little doggies. Happy Trails...
Seriously. Trapped at home without a car, laundry spinning and rinsing away, face poofy and brain mushy from 13 hours of sleep the night before - it was really the only thing I had energy to do. 3 hours of Top Chef, 4 hours of So You Think You Can Dance with an hour or two of HGTV thrown in for good measure.
Brain Check - What is the square root of 5684? Please, like I knew that when I was in school. Ok, an easier one...What is the Capital of Indiana? Gary? Umm, its at least how the song goes. Ok, ok. One more. Name all of the Best Picture Films starting in 2000 - Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, Lord of the Rings, Million Dollar Baby, Crashed, The Departed and No Country for Old Men. I so rock. Brain intact, check!
I do other things too. Like talked endlessly on the phone with friends I missed too much. Oh and then there were the in person visits. And who can forget the much needed mani and the pedi.
See, totally productive. Come on, like you would have done it any different. I will have plenty of activity starting tomorrow when I restart my trip taking cars, planes, and shuttles to reach a tiny little ranch on the outskirts of Sedona in search of my inner self (at least I think that's where she's hanging out - I hope so. I paid a lot of money to go get her) and hopefully find not heat stroke (its 100 degrees there), rattlesnake bites (they grow up to 6 feet in the desert) or Shirley McClain (I am all for multiple lives, but right now I'm trying to focus on this one).
Not sure about my connection in the desert (what do you think the changes of highspeed wifi will be at a place with no tv's?!), but I promise to update my faithful fans as often as I can (can't you see me now at the top of a rock, one foot in the air, arms waving, repeating "Can you hear me now? What about now? now?")
Get along little doggies. Happy Trails...
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